The Destruction of Being Right
Friday, December 24th, 2010We need to be right. It feels good, and validates our self worth. We’ll knowingly suffer the negative consequences of broken relationships in order to satisfy our burning need to win the smallest argument. However, this need of ours breeds mistrust and conflict. We alienate ourselves from others and destroy relationships when we insist on always being right.
There are circumstances that require us to stand for what is right, and in those situations, we should never falter. But in most instances, it’s the need to be right with the day-to-day insignificant nothings that damages relationships and reputations. And for that, we need to stop being right all the time. There’s something destructive that happens when you argue your point to the bitter end. You see, every time you have to be right, there’s a good chance someone else has to be wrong. And if you can show me someone you regularly beat in an argument, I’ll show you someone who you’ve made a loser. Because by anybody’s definition, getting knocked down over and over, and never being able to get back up because the other person always has to be right, makes that person a loser.
For much of my life, I always had to be right. After I realized the destruction I caused with the people who meant the most to me, I found that changing my ways was as simple as changing my mind. By choosing to become a better listener, I opened my mind to new perspectives. And something magical happened when I let go of my need to be right. I realized that if I gave up being right, it wasn’t an acknowledgement I was wrong. I simply gave up the need to persuade others I was right. And when I did that, I stopped making losers and started creating winners in my life. At the same time, I began the journey from being right to being happy. I challenge you to join me on that journey.
tagged under: being right.clint swindall.culture.employee disengagement.employee engagement.engaged leadership.leadership.verbalocity
7 Responses to The Destruction of Being Right
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- Ben Ornelas :
Good Morning Clint. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed y ... - Chris Simmons :
Clint, Just curious - any chance you could have some of your material ... - Chris Simmons :
Clint, Thankyou for the great reminders and inspiration ... - Carol Anne Mabson :
"Not to do list"....Brilliant! ... - Tommy Jameson :
Interesting blog & idea to avoid time wasters. This idea came out ...
I love this Clint, Thank You!
I wish I would have read this prior to our Christmas gathering as I could have asked everyone to go read your blog before they arrived and then we would have had an awesome time!!!!
Clint, wish you and your family a great 2011! Keep us reading good stuff and on the right track for becoming better at what we do.
Thank you for reminding me of the benefits of humility and active listening.
I have shared this with my Madison High School Senior, and hope this will save him some frustration as he enters the real adult world. Thank You for sharing your insight.
Clint, I didn’t think you were going to talk about me personally in your blog, but the first 2 paragraphs describe me to a tee. I will be working on the active listening side beginning today.
Hi Clint, Some years ago, my darlin’ man taught me the above. You’re absolutely correct – when you become an active listener, and slow speaker; your friends multiply, your life takes on an explosion of new perspectives, and the pressure’s off! No longer do you have to defend what you think is right … what a tremendous event that is.
In working within the International Community overseas for many years, I learned so many different things … one of them is “not one of us know everything about one thing”. God sent us to learn and grow in his light. That takes a lot of courage to accept and understand. As you pointed out, active listening is so much more fun. It’s just not one time, it’s over our lifetime.
As oldest child of 6, a leader in many different avenues throughout my life, I’m so grateful I don’t have to know it all.
Thanks for the reminder!!
I so admire you and all the work, touching of lives, and enjoyment you exude – it’s so refreshing.
Thank you for reminding me what are relationships should be about. Being right won’t keep you warm at night nor will it leave people to say nice things about you at your memorial service.